My uncle is a program manager for a software development company. Technically he’s the CTO, but his job function is to oversee all the software development projects. He reports directly to the CEO.

I once asked him what are the two or three most important things to remember as a project manager. He talked about how hard it is to be a project manager, where you don’t have much influence over someone’s career. They don’t report to you, the project may be only a small part of their job, they have other pressing priorities, so their tasks might be low on their list but high on yours. He concluded that one of the more important skills of the project manager is the ability to influence contribution from team members to keep the project on target. The problem is these people need reminding, cajoling, and pushing, but in a way that doesn’t cause them to disconnect from the project.

His advice? Be relentlessly nice. Relentless is finding out task status, issues, and risks; relentless in pushing and reminding people; relentless in keeping the project focused on deliverables; relentless in managing the critical path; relentless in aligning stakeholders, sponsors, and team members; relentless in keeping people accountable; relentless in raising risks; relentless in expecting more.

Just be nice about it. Relentlessly.